Can I Do Friendship With You?

If I've been consistent about anything in my life in the recent years, two neatly labelled categories come to mind -- one, my memory, which has been steadily declining to the point where it is now on life-support, and two, my ever increasing reticence, which has mother so worried, she's considering asking the Art of Living Sri Sri fellow for help. I was going to write about how much demand he'd have in the rainbow parade, but then I'm not going to, because you know, he might decide to sue my penniless ass and because it's `insensitive' and of course, because of the aforementioned reticence thing that's going on.  

Anyway, my point is that Art of Living is a great way to make money. I mean I could become Shantaram, you know? Besides, what better way of living is there than to tell other people how to live their life? And get gifted a rolls for it. Hmmm. I don't know why I never thought of that while making my 'easiest ways to become a self-made millionaire' thing. I swear to you, it must be the failing memory. Otherwise, my dedication and commitment to gold-digging has been unwavering, I assure you. 

I am really going to get sued if I don't stop about AOL already.  So what my original point was that it's not like I don't talk anymore. Yeah, you kinda must've got that already. No, but this is serious okay?  These days, its like I can shut up for hours and not feel the need to say anything, you know? Actually?  That "not need(ing) to say anything" got so bad, I haven't had a real conversation with anyone, not the gang, not the folks, not even tutu, my neighbour's dog. 

Then I wondered why that was, and realised that all my closest people were gone because for someone silly reason or the other, I stopped talking to them. And how. You must absolutely listen to the gracefulness with which I do it.  

Inevitably, one cloudy evening with thunder and lightning, I'll suddenly go all Dominique Francon (frigid-bitch extraordinaire) on the friends and become incommunicado, leaving them clueless, because till yesterday they could've sworn we were Lewis and Tolkien.  And believe me, we would have been too. Then, I'd strut around pretending like I can't tell them from Justin Bieber and like I got bored just being with them. And then finally walk past them and go completely cold turkey without so much as a how-do-you-do.


Wait, wait. There's more. I'm actually getting to the point (which by the way is really the point and not what I said earlier was the point). So to cut a feature in to a snippet, despite the pangs of conscience making a maggi meal of my insides, I didn't go a single thing to make things thing right. Until now. 


But, but, when I finally did? Despite my bitch-and-half act and sheepish half-baked apology, the heroes accepted courteously, without even making me squirm, for which I'll hate them forever. Is it because they are all guys that they are so cool and grudge-less, I wonder. Or is it because of how awesome I am.

I'm telling you, now that we are all one big happy family again, I'm all for atonement. I mean I will recommend it.  Go apologize now I say! Don't let that ego tell you otherwise. It's liberating! Okay, but first check if they look like they are going to laugh in your face. If yes, screw them, you have tons of other friends who you can't talk to you but can get drunk with! If no, then broach the subject slowly and if its boys, make it as soppy as possible. Trust me, they will just wanna get it over with and forget it ever happened.  If it's girls? Yeah, well, then don't bother. 

Back to what I was saying. Yup, mending fences, that's whats rocking my boat these days. For my own part, having them all (well almost all, I still have one boy to make up with) back in my camp again is like bringing the cat I killed back to life again. Kinda pointless, but fun anyway! 

Do you get what I mean? I'm already en route to being myself again. I can't shut up! See?

Psst: Howlers about irregularity of posts are flattering but shall henceforth not be entertained. And no, that's NOT what this 1000 word masterpiece is about. Let me tell you, joblessness is a demanding and a full-time profession, alright? So, back off! I write, you read. That's the deal. Okay? Okay.