I laughed at people who had boring topics to do for their dissertations. Now, they are all going to be doing fine. No one cares about those topics, no one even wants to read 'em. Even if the evaluators do, by the time they get to the end, they're going to be so out of it, they'll remember just the A of the alphabet and give them that.
But, I couldn't choose something like that. Like the art of face reading, advantages of fish spas. sexual patterns of earthworms. Or why humans can eat dogs, is earth really round or could it be flat, should garlands be made of 1000 rupee notes or 10 rupee coins?
No.
I had to go and choose Michael Jackson -- the one celebrity in the world you'll love or hate but are incapable of being neutral about. And, the dissertation went to the one person in the entire world I prayed for weeks it wouldn't go to -- The Martian. He's from outer space. There's almost nothing he doesn't know about. In the off chance that there is, he'll look it up. Not how like you and I earthlings would look it up, a glance in the Wikipedia or something; no, sir, not these Martians.
They volley satellite signals with their counterparts across all planets in the galaxy, (they recognise Pluto as a democratic republic even if Earth doesn't) urging their comrades to look up all recorded files about the subject since the beginning of time from hieroglyphics to the yet to be written records (including the back up files of the crystals stolen by Lex Luthor) and cross check them with their records at home base. Then they transmit these gazillion Terabyte packets back to Earth through the Martian's own laptop with endnotes citing related articles on how-to-deal-with-suicidal/homicidal-students-after-Martians-grade-their-dissertation-papers.
I have nightmares about the Martian. Like in the Minority Report, I can see him on a I-wall in my head - hawk-eyeing every misplaced comma, every undotted i and every uncrossed t, every word, sentence and line. Every flaw, every loophole, every error.
Be that as it may, considering that it's out of my hands, now I have new ones about the viva voce.
The Martian: Why this fellow Michael Jackson?
Me: I like his hat. Nice, no?
The Martian: Why should I read your dissertation?
Me: 'Coz you can't do anything else with it?
The Martian: Why is it so vague?
Me: It's strictly on a need-to-know basis.
The Martian: Why is so badly written?
Me: Ask the guy who wrote it.
The Martian: So, do you think Michael Jackson likes young boys?
Me: I like young boys. Don't you?
The Martian: Was there something you were trying to convey?
Me: Yes. I don't like dissertations.
The Martian: Was there something you were trying to convey?
Me: Yes. I don't like dissertations.
The Martian : I'm giving you an F
Me: A+ ?
The Martian: C+
Me: A-
The Martian: C
Me: A
The Martian: B+
Me: B+
*** Notice Board... Grouchy: F ***
Me: I thought we had a deal?
The Martin: In your dreams.
Hahaha!! :)
ReplyDeleteGood one! Perfectly sums up the disaster that is the dissertation! :P
Nice post! :)
Love the layout of yer blog! :)
P.S: Be that as it may. The family matter touch! Ahhh! I have always wanted to use that in a sentence! :)
"The Martian: So, do you think Michael Jackson likes young boys?
ReplyDeleteMe: I like young boys. Don't you? "
Har! The Martian was in a band et al. Beware. Muhahaha. :p fun post. esp the negotiation for the marks bit.
I cannot believe it. U write such good stuff and you keep it secret. Cmmon at least make it public!
ReplyDeleteLove your last post. I think u will get an A for your dissertation. When does ur course end and when are u coming to ur favourite Bengalooru?
@ Revs: Thank you, thank you. It's high praise indeed.
ReplyDelete@ the babbling brook: I actually managed to forget that part. Thanks for reminding me blondie. Now, I might as well skip the viva.
@Neha: The blog is public, open to anyone who wants to read it. But yes, I do not intend to market it. Believe it or not, I like having few readers. It allows me greater creative freedom!
Glad you enjoyed it. A is right, for absent. I will be back on the streets starting may! And maybe then, I will grace your city:)
funny conversation, believe or not but, karma sidanth is Legit.
ReplyDeleteWork From Home India
@ prasad: I believe you. Hard not to when it comes to bite you in the ass.
ReplyDelete