Arrggghhhh

I'm in an universal hate mode. I hate everything and everyone.  


I obsess over the Investigative report so much that I dreamt about getting this big scoop and everything, only to wake up and realise that I have nothing. I have cruel dreams like this all the time. My worst however is when I'm asleep on the train to Chennai and I dream that I'm coming back to Hyd for good and then, I wake up to see the squiggly wiggly letters that can only be tamil. It's so excruciatingly painful, I can't tell you. 


King Kong says I might be in the middle of a quarter life crisis. I think I'm in the midst of an existentialist angst. The same one I've been in since I was 14. 


I hate that I met the gang once, ladies and gentlemen, once in two and half years! And, might not again for twice that long. I wonder why I even bother. 


I say, all guys should wear across their hearts those trial-room thingies that say whether they are vacant/occupied.  At least then they'll know whichever f***ing side they are on so that idiots like me can stop falling for all the wrong ones. 

I don't want to be placed. I HATE news writing. The idea of working for a newspaper makes me want to search for a well that's not too smelly or depleted and jump in. I don't think I  want to work. Or study. Or get married. Or any of those things. 

I wanna go to a cooking school. Read pointlessly. Write stupid things. And watch movies. And learn kick boxing. And become pretty. And travel to a Himalayan retreat where I will have to meditate, and go seven days without speaking! Wow. See those are the kind of things I wanna do. Now, why is that so hard to understand ? And, so bloody unpardonable?

I hate this the most. Not having the guts to do the things I want.  


Right. So, I'm just going to be go back to worrying about that lame 1500 word paper on post-modernism and fascism that I gotta give in. When all I can think about is why I get the feeling that I'm going to die on the train to chennai tomorrow without doing any of these things. 

That, I guess, is my cue to stop writing.  A good night to you all.  Yes, those will be my last words.

Damn the Weather

Today was one of those days at work when I wanted to scream the entire place down. I thought, at least that way, someone will finally fire me and I can get out and do what I really want to do. At the last moment, sanity prevailed. So, I sat at my desk staring unseeingly at my screen for a long time, bored. Utterly, completely, mind numbingly bored. Usually, at this point, my mind automatically switches onto its wool gathering mode. This time though, I didn't want to think. I wanted to work. Only, the work I do these days is so crappy, I hate it. That's thing with almost everyone I know from work. They all hate what they're doing. No one will admit though. At least, not in public. Because then the happy work place illusion will crumble. And, there will be nothing left. Nothing.

The arm that I injured during the go-karting accident is getting worse by the day. It hurts so much I feel tears prickling at my eyes everytime the pain killers start to wear off. To add to this miserable state, I come to know that Ha has put in her papers. I can't stand the idea of work without her around. And, she's not even going to be in the city. Now, I have a brand new reason to hate Bengaluru. I do.

Since this is a whiny post, I can't really put stuff about Assy's trip here. Because that was fun. Both of us went bankrupt in the process which I think made it even better. He got me tons of stuff. I got him a Zippo. Damn, but I love Zippo's. I think they make the perfect gift for a guy.

Got a tarot reading done. Here's what - My career is apparently going to be excellent. My relationships are going to be a mess. Yeah! Like I needed the Knight of Swords to tell me that. Sheesh. Then, there was something about the shadow of the past looming large on the future stuff. Pilot Guy, New Kid, who?

My arm is throbbing again. Another bloody day at work tommorrow. It's sadder than I'm making it sound - My life.

What am I going to do about it? Live with it. What else?

PS: Those who didn't/don't intend to vote - SHAME ON YOU!

Hey there!

Before you get all geared up to read my next brilliant post, I should tell you that this is not going to be it. This is just to sorta pop my head in and show y'all that I'm still around. Out of the misanthropic mood yet? Not really. No. Much better than I’d been but still nowhere close to my usual state of being. I know. I'm beginning to really annoy myself too.

But to my delight, Assy is here. Albeit for a few days. But that's okay. It's enough. After all that waiting, it seems almost unreal to have him here. We've already spent most of three days together and yet we never seem to run out of things to talk about. Boy, it feels good. I needed my best friend here. For once, I got what I wanted.

We've a city sightseeing tour planned for tomorrow which starts early morning. So I better tuck in now. Or I'm going to be late. And then, we'll have to chase the bus like we did today. That was totally fun but something I’d rather not repeat just now. Today, we went to the Ramoji Film City place. I wonder if that guy's still around. Now there is a guy I don't think I would mind marrying. Oh C'mon! Why not? Two thousand acres of land, a production studio, a media house, chain stores, news channels and whatever else I still didn't find out about.

So, this is the plan: I’ll totally get into script writing. My debut work will be called "How I met your grandfather" which I will sell to the big guy himself. Bowled over by my wit, spontaneity, creativity, imagination, originality and of course, my unlimited capacity for self delusion, he will propose. And, I will accept.

He will nominate me the sole beneficiary of his will. I will take over his estate and live happily ever after. Muhhhaahhhaaaah

Ahem. Will go do that sleep thing now.

Before that, for all those who haven't watched 'Outsourced', please do. It's undoubtedly one of the better movies I watched this season. If you like it, try the series 'Mumbai Calling' on BBC. It's even better.

Note to Self

Three simple rules to sanity.

1. Don't lose sleep.

2. Don't lose temper.

3. Don't lose mind.

I wonder...

I wonder...

1. Why I went out with a married man.

2. What I'll do after The Firm.

3. Whether its wrong to dislike a person because they employ a 12 year old kid to do their chores.

4. Why people always assume I'm a northie.

5. How girls my age don't fear marriage.

6. Why being single and/or vegetarian is so unacceptable anymore.

7. If I'll ever have enough money to do Philanthropy.

8. Why I feel so alone no matter who I'm with or where I go.

9. When my hidden talent will surface.

10. Why I keep thinking of all the lies that will be revealed after I die.