Dingbat Bravado

As I do with most hypothetical questions, I've often speculated wildly about what I would do if I was ever put in a life-or-death situation. On the train, I was forced to find out. Surprising even myself, I didn't crumble. In fact, it seems that I'm capable of being completely sangfroid and that I have the presence of mind -- the kind I didn't even know I had -- to think up a P.O.A and execute it to successfully enough to extract myself from a sordid mess. 

But I did! 

And then, after it was all over, I cried. Uncontrollably. Like something really terrible did happen. And then, I escalated the patheticness to a whole new level. I called Blue Shirt and cried some more. I don't even know why I called him. I was horrible. I sobbed and sniffed and snivelled.  I don't think I cried like that even when Goofy died.  It's a natural reaction, everyone tells me. Sheesh! Still, am I a sissy or what?  Meh. But the important thing is that all is well that end's well, n'est ce pas?

Aside: (to a girl) Never call a guy when you want comfort. He will try to "help" by either offering you advice (which is really, the most obvious things you can do in the said situation...like you're incapable of already having thought of it yourself) or try to diffuse the situation by coming onto you, both of which are things you do NOT need at the moment. Call your best friend instead. If you can't get through, try again. And again. At the least, she will say the right things and let you cry in peace, which is all you really wanted anyway. 

Okay, I'm just being extremely mean and ungrateful here. Grouses aside, I would have completely lost it if it hadn't been for the calm reassuring voice of reason that Blue Shirt was. He always makes me feel silly and overtly sentimental every time I say anything remotely personal. It usually riles me enough to forget my misery and clam up. This time too it worked like a charm. The waterworks stopped instantly.  So quite some credit to him, I think.  

I know, I know. It sounds much too much like one of our chronicles, but rest assured it's not. As cited on the list, I'm way past that port.  


So, am I ever going to cut the crap and get to the point, explain what the life-or-death was. Trust me, I'm trying. Every time I start, I find myself unwilling to continue. It's been three days since it happened. I still can't sleep. I have nightmares when I try to. So, I walk around making light of it, acting like I'm fine, that nothing's amiss. Because ultimately nothing did happen, right? Right. 

However, now, another hypothetical question -- What if it had?