The Sister Act

Ten days into the New Year and things are more screwed up than ever before. Today I got yelled at in college, by the PRINCIPAL, for standing at the back of a class! She gave me a lecture on how she didn't expect this from ME and how extremely disappointed she is with my 'disobedience'. At first, I found it incredibly funny and I just couldn't stop laughing at the absurdity of it all. I always fantasized that I'd be expelled from college for doing something outrageously heroic, not for standing at the back of a class?! Sheesh. It was embarrassing to even tell my folks about it. But, the more I think about it the more it cheeses me off. One - I don't like being yelled at when there's no apparent fault of mine. Two - I like it even less when someone accuses me of letting them down. It brings back black memories.

For as long as I remember, people have been telling me how I've disappointed them and how they expected much more from me and how I've never worked hard enough to realise my true potential and such. But in my defense, I've always maintained that WYSIWYG. I've never given anyone any reason to expect anything from me. Yet they do and then accuse me of not living up to them. Somewhere, I know its crazy but it still hurts.

It makes me feel like I appear better than I really am. Like they prefer the pretend me to the real me. Like my best isn't good enough. Like I'm inadequate. Or worse, that beneath all the masks of everyday living I'm just a hollow shell.

MI 06

From the time I have come back home, I have been thinking of ways to write about Moodi and Mumbai. Everything about it is a weird paradox. We did a lot and we did nothing. We wanted to come home but we didn't want to leave. I'm happy here yet I wanna be there. There's so much to tell and I don't know where to start. So, I decided to limit to a list of 5 things that made the trip worth it.

So here are the highlights...

1. The IIT B Campus : The first two days I hated it. It had the feeling of being left out in a desert. Everything looked hopelessly the same and at any point of time you were always nowhere. But gradually, as we started to sketch a mind map with a constant, it started to grow on us. The 600 acres of land, lake and hill started to feel like a maze, just waiting to be entered and explored.

2. The Nites : I can safely say that the nights I spent in Powai - in and around IIT B are some of the best in my life. The concert featuring Sitar funk has to be the most amazing fusion music I have ever seen in my lifetime, one I'm sure I'll not forget in a hurry. And, If Kailash Kher's gig didn't render me to Kailasa, Naresh Kamat (the base Guitarist) sure did. If it wasn't Pronites we were at, then it was taking midnight strolls on the roads of the campus. I'd be willing to bet that those were the witness or even the source for every brainwave that an IITian has ever had.

3. Hiranandani : A stone throw away from the campus, this place is the ultimate hangout for the 'junta' of IIT outside of campus. There's nothing you can't get in there. But food is what steals the thunder from everything else. It houses some of the yummiest food stalls and cafes in all of Mumbai. We went there whenever we wanted a proper meal or a safe haven to retreat to. Pani puri in cafe galleria, candle-light booze in aura's, dabeli in one tiny stall, hundi in Shaolin, ice gola's in chill out and rich chocolat mousse in balloons & ribbons are things that I'll always remember this place by.

4. Mumbaiya nagari: Being a bloody cynic (personally I prefer critic) by nature, I don't take to new cities very fast. For example : I hated Bangalore on sight. It took me about 4 trips to get over it. But, all it took was a drive around Mumbai to furnish my feelings; I was going to like it - a lot. Everything about the city was king size. Its architecture splendid. The blend of the high rise horizons coupled with buildings of British confluence is just beautiful to watch. Enter the night lights and it takes on another entity. It's sure a city that never sleeps. Being a hardcore Hyderabadi, I'd never accustom to the speed of Mumbai and would never even want to, but if for a brief respite, I'd probably chose Mumbai.

5. The 'Junta': Big blue oafs, manas, spineless jellyfish, ogres, five o clock, lick ass lovers, 64 Ferguson cockroaches, mutter to myself boy, junta party, cute bastard, roshesh sarabhai, whisper boy... These are just some of the characters I wouldn't missed meeting for the whole world. Directly or indirectly, they provided us with non-stop entertainment throughout our stay in Mumbai. There are a lot of other characters, orgies, co-ords, CG s and most importantly, the ordinary junta ie. the sundry IITians who have made my trip definitely worth it.

I could go on and on about the innumerable little things that made my day like tamtams, panthers... hostels... sambar... wada pav... jalfrieze...parikrama... so on and so forth but it would still be a lost cause, for the list is simply inexhaustible.

Overtime, Moodi and Mumbai might not mean anything to me but one thing I know will eternally remain the same... It'll always bring a smile to my face or as psycho puts it - a twinkle in my eyes.

Sweet November... ?!!

This month has been crazy. First, I do something I vowed I'll never do. And, if it had involved just me, I would probably've written about it. (taking into consideration my newly developed masochistic tendencies, it would've been truly ecstatic to watch me eat my words. ) While we are there, I take this opportunity to publicly announce that as of November 17th '06, I've crossed onto the dark side. Secondly, I'd like to apologize in general, to all the people I've wrongly judged/condemned on this issue. The people who have been a victim of such behaviour will know what I'm talking about. Damn.... these cryptics are so not my style. If only I wasn't bound by my word, it would've been such great fun to relive that experience.

Moving on to greener pastures, the topic of conversation for the past few weeks in college has been mood indigo and moodi indigo only. Starting at the start, initiating the discussions, planning the details, wading through the deliberations.. its finally paid off. Or so I'd like to think. As of yesterday, the tickets have been confirmed and if everything goes according to plan (which it never does) I should be celebrating my Christmas in Mumbai.

To boast of an achievement, I've managed to put my past experiences behind me... (read my very first post ) and try my hand at driving again.... all thanks to Snea. And, the best part being... I haven't caused any permanent damage to her bike or completely killed her as yet. Yipeeeee!!! I can't but feel proud of myself in situations like this. I think I' ll stop here before I jinx it. I'll write about it only when I cease to be a potential health hazard to all human and animal life forms.

On another dismal note, three friends of mine have all come to me with news. Apparently, all of them have been struck by Cupid. Worse, they sound disgustingly smug. Love notes, e-mails, phone calls, dates, gifts, engagements....???!! I think I'm gonna die listening to all of it. The guys that I thought were so beyond all this crap are now flag bearers of mushhood. Such losers! I hope all of them are in love with the same girl and then kill each other over her. And that's what I'd call poetic justice.

And now, I'm being co-erced into giving a lecture in a national seminar on topics like India's role in SAARC and ASEAN and India's relationship with the US and the EU and a debate on the same. (I know... what the hell!!! rt) I think I know more about the secret sexual desires of single men than International Relations and Indian Politics. To add to it all, there might be a possible involvement of mine in the organization of yet another fete.

If I can get out all this, maybe.. just maybe I' ll begin to believe that there is a God somewhere! Hey... everyone has a right to wishful thinking!

The American Desi : Laid to Rest

Ok. Time for a check. Haven't had a decent night's sleep for about a week now. Food seems to taste like chalk. Exams from tomorrow and as usual I know nil. And, again... I don't give a damn.

"Today is simply not about me." Thats exactly how I started the post I wrote, three months ago about my uncle, titled The American desi and ended it saying

"Its imperative that his physiotherapy be carefully supervised by someone who will take care of him 24/7 until he gets back on his feet. Someone, to whom he means more than just a patient, someone he can recognize and relate to. Simply, someone who is FAMILY. Over thirty years of a gifted career, a fabulous lifestyle, unadulterated freedom in a mighty country and all it comes down to, at the end of the day, is that. "

Family. He has a pretty large family : four sisters, two brothers and nine nieces & nephews. For once in his life, he sent a plea asking for help. Not one of them answered in return. You see, the grown ups had important things to do; like look after their houses, their grown up kids, spouses and servants while the kids had academics to take care of. So, he died alone...waiting. And, he was buried there with a proper funeral attended by everybody from all over. Everybody except his family. His family was doing something more important. They were taking care of their lives.

As for me, I could never have thought, I was capable of hurting so much for someone so distant. But I do. I feel like sobbing my heart out every time I think of everything that he must have felt in his last days. Hell, ask me about loneliness and the need to belong. I keep imagining all his pain over and over, almost as a punishment for not being able to do anything for him. I wish, I could have talked to him just once and tell him something I've never let acknowledge to anyone, not even myself. I wish I could tell him that for as long as I remember... HE was my hero.

The American Desi

A whole lot of things have happened since I ve last done this... some good, some not-so-good and some horrific.

Yet again, I had started to pen down my tales of woe; a relationship gone sour, an identity crisis rapidly progressing into depression and a vacation which turned into a series of unfortunate events. As much as I squander time brooding over these sob stories, somewhere deep down I know I can answer my own questions. The relationship had to end. The identity crisis, an issue that can be resolved only with time. The burnt vacation was because of the disappointment that comes with great expectations. So, all in all, nothing to get worked up about. As obvious as this may seem to anyone else, sometimes it takes an event to help understand it. For once, all the things that are wrongly happening in my life don't seem so heart breaking anymore.

Today is simply NOT about me. I have an uncle (my mum's bro) in the States, since a time when no one had even heard of the place. All my childhood, I remembered him as the uncle whom I got to meet every five years or so and who never failed to get us chocolates and other goodies. But that was the extent of our relationship. I knew zilch about him as a person and the ignorance was mutual, not that I was complaining back then. Much later, I came to know that he was a divorcee with no kids and a leading radiologist in a reputed hospital back in the
"US of A."

During his last visit, about 8-9 years ago, it was the same rhetoric played over again and as his plane took off, I put him out of my mind and didn't give him another thought- till now.

Recently, I came to know that he had been found strewn unconscious across the floor in his apartment. His neighbor rushed him to the hospital, whereupon he was immediately operated but with limited results. He had suffered serious injuries to the brain and was perilously close to becoming a 'vegetable'.

That was over two months ago. But, his condition hasn't progressed all that much. It’s imperative that his physiotherapy be carefully supervised by someone who will take care of him 24x7 until he gets back on his feet. Someone, to whom he means more than just a patient, someone he can recognize and relate to. Simply, someone who is FAMILY. Over thirty years of a gifted career, a fabulous lifestyle, unadulterated freedom in a mighty country and all it comes down to, at the end of the day, is that.