The Sister Act

Ten days into the New Year and things are more screwed up than ever before. Today I got yelled at in college, by the PRINCIPAL, for standing at the back of a class! She gave me a lecture on how she didn't expect this from ME and how extremely disappointed she is with my 'disobedience'. At first, I found it incredibly funny and I just couldn't stop laughing at the absurdity of it all. I always fantasized that I'd be expelled from college for doing something outrageously heroic, not for standing at the back of a class?! Sheesh. It was embarrassing to even tell my folks about it. But, the more I think about it the more it cheeses me off. One - I don't like being yelled at when there's no apparent fault of mine. Two - I like it even less when someone accuses me of letting them down. It brings back black memories.

For as long as I remember, people have been telling me how I've disappointed them and how they expected much more from me and how I've never worked hard enough to realise my true potential and such. But in my defense, I've always maintained that WYSIWYG. I've never given anyone any reason to expect anything from me. Yet they do and then accuse me of not living up to them. Somewhere, I know its crazy but it still hurts.

It makes me feel like I appear better than I really am. Like they prefer the pretend me to the real me. Like my best isn't good enough. Like I'm inadequate. Or worse, that beneath all the masks of everyday living I'm just a hollow shell.