And, so we are back

LAST MONTH

Wolf:  "You know, you should open that old blog of yours again." 

Me: "Oh yeah? Why?"

Wolf: "So much ammo, all buried in there. Would be much more fun, don't you think?" 

Me: "Sure I do, which is precisely why it's going to keep closed." 

Wolf: "You won't even consider re..".

Me:  "Nope. Its done. For good"

LAST WEEK

Me: "You dog! How'd you do it?!"

Wolf: "Do what?" 

Me:  "I can't access my blog, the new one" 

Wolf: "You can't, why not?"

Me: "Don't make. You know I can't. You made it happen!" 

Wolf: "Me? How could I have possibly have ma..?" 

Me:  "You must have bribed/threatened/cajoled/hacked... I don't know. You just did." 

Wolf : "Wait.. you think I'd do any/all of that just to read your old blog? 

Me:  "Of course. You are a techhie! So you are basically jobless and have access to, you know, ermm, these kind of things"

Wolf: "I'm a mechanical engineer!"

Me: "Hmpf, well okay, don't have to yell."

Wolf: "Did you forget your password?"

Me:  "Of course not. It's been the same for the past four years, you know I change only the number according to the month"

Wolf: "No need of hacking your pwd, it seems" 

Me: "Huh?" 

Wolf: "Nothing. So, wait a while, reopen your old one or start a new one." 

Me: "See! I knew it! It's all your doing. To make reopen the blog. Admit it"

Wolf: "Yeah right. So, don't open it. Start a new one. Do whatever"

Me: "You don't have to tell me that. I'm NEVER going to reopen it." 

TODAY

Wolf: "You opened it." 

Me:  "I know." 

Wolf: "Too lazy to start a new one?"

Me: "No...! This was, practical and, you know" 

Me:  "Yeah. Twas too much effort."

Wolf: "Figured"

Six Breezers Down

There are really only two kinds of relationships -- ones in which you give and the ones in which you take. In your case, the taking exceeding the giving by a obscene margin some would say. And given your track record, you'd agree. You would like to change the stats, if you could, choose who to give and who to take from. But then again, you know better than that, matters of the heart have a mind of their own. 

How do you explain to someone, that for you, love's a non-renewable resource.  Every time you give away some, a part of you withers, blackens, dies. It's not coming back again or healing, its gone. Forever. But that's irrelevant.  You don't care if its hurts because you know, you love the person. And love is not a thing that happens to you very often. So when it does, you open the doors and forget to close them. Until everything that was in there is gone and there's nothing left to give any more.

Not knowing, not suspecting, they will come. Each thinking that it's a part of your act -- the not calling, the not caring, the not feeling. Each so sure that they are different, that they can reform you, that you won't get bored with them. So you humor them, play the game. You flirt, you smile, you say all the right things. For a while, you are happy. Then they begin to want more.  You want to have fun, not think about any of that it. But you still pray that its true, that there will be someone who you will not just care for, but love. So, you try telling yourself and them,  "it was fun", "gimme a call," "its all fine", "we are good", "love ya". Some days you believe it too.  With everyday, the pretense costs you more. But you cant hurt them. So you endure, until you end up doing it anyway. And have them on your conscience. 

So now you have begun to avoid that and this.  When you go out, it's with those who play the same game, the same rules. For fun, nothing more, nothing less.   

But you are smart and funny and even somewhat pretty, so why would you be so shallow, they want to know. You want to them this, but you can't. Because you are 22, forgodsakes. You cannot be so utterly, hopelessly disenchanted, or so bored or cowardly. Maybe you are not. Maybe this is simply coming from straight down the bottle. Maybe tomorrow, when your head settles, you will cringe at this and deny everything vociferously. 

No, no, you do believe in sunshine and daises. You are an absolute fan of happily-ever-afters, in fact, you cry in soppy movies and you dream of a super hero falling in love with you (which you really do). 

And, of course you are not as jaded as you sound. Since the time you were a little girl, even when you thought boys were yuck, you are waiting for The One;  the one who will make you like pink and frills, make you take his name, maybe create a mrandmrsgrouchy dot com where we will have a countdown to the wedding, add stories of how we met, what our friends think of us, upload our childhood to wedding night pictures.  And then take a friends poll on what we should name our seven sons and eleven daughters. 

Of course you believe in all of those.

Just not now. Okay? 

Me: "Banjara Hills"

Auto Driver (AD): "Where in Banjara Hills?" 

Me: "Road no. so and so" 

AD: "Left side, right side? "

Me: "Left side." 

AD: "Down aa, up aa?" 

Me : "Down" 

AD: "Before so so or after so so?" 

Me: "Before." 

AD: "Oh, next to so and so?" 

Me: "Bite me." 

AD : "$$$ only." 

Me:  "WTF? Why?" 

AD : "Traffic, madam!" 

Me: "So? It's a road, so there's traffic. You wanna fly or what?" 

AD:  Aaah..."U-turn madam"

Me: "What U-turn?"

AD: "The U-turn?"

Me:  "It's a straight road. No U-turns and all." 

AD: "No? Ermm..then rain, too much water here there."

Me: "So? How does that matter? "

AD: "Night no madam? "

Me: "Huh? So what, you have night blindness? And besides, its not even 10 o clock!." 

AD: "Aah. Half price, half price. "

Me: "Half price is only after 11, you dip shit!!!"

AD: "No, its from now." 

Me:  "Oh yeah? You want to check with that cop there? "

AD: "Ayyo, what madam, what you are doing like this." 

AD: "Okay, baah, if you are so miserly, give Rs 5 less, the roads are very dirty now"

Me:  "So you charge less on cleaner roads?" 

AD: "Yes, yes." 

Me : "Okay, let's go on that other road then." 

AD: "No, madam,"

Me: "Why?" 

AD: "Just give me $$.$$"

Me: "Tell me one reason why I should give you that and I will." 

AD: "You are ladies." 

Me: "You sick gay bastard. What's has me being a girl gotta do with anything. Do I consume more petrol because I dont have a dick?! !"

AD: "Abba, why you are getting upset madam. I was, simply saying.  So what... you will pay $$$.$$?" 

Me: "Of course not, you dumb f***"Me: "Now f*** off, if you are not going to come by the meter." 

AD: "Meter not working madam" 

Me: "Why the f*** not?"

AD: "It's showing too much bill. Bad for you only. That's why I giving you better price." 

Me: "Very sweet of you, but I think I'll risk the meter."

AD:  "What madam, from that time. I ask just $$., see I earn *((#&*#& per day, and how much you must be earning, what is this tiny amount for you. Last word, what will you give?"

Me: "Ha ha ha. Heh heh heh. Hoo hoo hoo. Muahahaha." 

Oh, dear. Now there's a line you shouldn't crossed. Talking about my salary. Rubbing it in my face. Mistake. Big mistake. Wait, there I see it. A shovel. Plastic bags. Big suitcase. Trash can. Hyderabad is awesome like that. Eternally under construction. Everything you want, right there on the street. 

Me: Change of plan. Know the cemetery on Road no 3?  There, please. 

AD: Okay but that will charge madam, traffic, u-turn, rain, you know? 

Me:  I know. It's fine. 

AD:  You want to come back also? 

Me: Yes, but I think I'll need another auto.