Blank Verse

Two very blogworthy incidents happened today. 


In one, a lifelong wait comes to an end. Today, I saw him. He's everything I ever imagined he'd be. Now, I just have to find a way to make him marry me. 


In the other,  I did it -- the really, really bold thing.  I quit the job. 


P.S: Dear God, I will do anything if you'll just arrange this for me. ANYTHING. Even believe in you. 


PPS: Jughead, I can't be more glad you are back. In the absence of a god, I leave this to you, my pimp. If anyone can do it, its you. 

The Blue Mug: life and other things

Why I am subjecting myself to this when I just finished writing a 1000 word chapter for my dissertation and have a presentation in the class on climate change tomorrow, is just one of those random things I do in life but can't explain why.  It must be sheer boredom, I reckon.


The most interesting thing that happened this week was going to the play The Blug Mug, standing next to the stars and trying to be cool. It is a must-watch, the play. It's been a while since I saw a play that was genuinely funny, simplistic, and well.. real. This one was all of that. Ranvir Shorey is, by the way, everything that we girls think he is. What is it about guys who smoke that appeals to me so much, anyway? I must be deeply disturbed if that's what turns me on. 

Wait, I'm still so much better than Ha, who seems so starved that she says she's seeing her crush in this little boy she teaches in her class. That totally cracked me up. Now, there's disturbed if you've ever known one. Of course, I'm kidding. She's a total sweetheart.  

 Let's see, the most interesting thing before that was I think, going to Bella Ciao with RR. Doing the alfresco thing, talking as we always do of love and life, when he said, "above all, she has to be loyal; everything else I'll be okay with."  She, being the woman of his life. For just that, I confer upon him honorary leohood. For a Arian, he surprises me over and over. 

Surprises, well yes, that reminds me of a rather unpleasant one. Now, I have this habit of falling for guys I've never met. They are so much more interesting that way. So anyway, whether they are are not, I just build them up in my head to the point where they hardly resemble the real one. And then I see the non-virtual version and poof! It's all gone. Everything.  They will more often than not, resemble and act like a cross between a groundhog and an aye aye.  Another thing that goes onto the list. 

And more in sad news, I think I have managed to turn escapism into an art form. Flummox derives great amusement from my plight. It's tragic, really -- being at the receiving end of someones feelings you don't return in the least, the accompanied feeling of guilt, the discomfort, the helplessness, it's just too sad. My suggestion, don't tell anyone, ever. 

With that, I think it's enough said. Back to dissertation and climate change. 

Next week I will be reporting live from home! So long, soldiers.


Pic courtesy: www.buzzintown.com

The End

It's not anything like they say. Heartbreak. It's not about craving for that person. Not about wanting to be with them. No. It's all about pain. The kind of gut churning, stomach wrenching pain that'll claw at your insides until you want to curl into a tight ball and die. Nothing makes it better. Not, being with someone else. Not, being with that person. Nothing.

Every moment, a memory will surface. Something he said. Something he likes. Something that didn't fit. Something that suddenly fit. And then you think of him with someone else. It hits you. Everything that was between you was a lie, a dirty little secret. Realising that you were not even the real thing, that your heart was just collateral damage.

So, all you do is sit and watch while it's being torn apart. Scrap by Scrap. It's killing. But you already know that's what you want; for it to die. Forever. And, with it, the pain. Now, there's nothing there. Just a gaping black hole.

As the haze of the pain lifts, a catharsis dawns on you. It is finally over.

What I say and What I mean

Right. So, where were we? Going home. Right. If I didn't write about it already no point doing it now, is there? Let's just move on and skip that part then? Yes. Move into something more topical, maybe? Good. Let us.

Now, examining the newsworthy events of my non-existent life, what do we have?

Something happened and a dilemma has arisen. To commit or not to commit, that is the question. A very illuminating statement, don't you think? I do too. But for reasons many, that's all I'm saying on this. Shameful to censor on one's own blog, I know. But what to do? Too many prying eyes for comfort or for full disclosure. A cue to move the blog to another track? Hmmm. Perhaps.

As consolation, here's another piece of meat. I hate what I've become here. I'm a compulsive liar now. I lie all the time. To everybody.

Prof: How was the class?

Me (thinks): I didn't listen to a single word of it. That's btw, is a record. I thought X-rated thoughts for four hours. But I still smelt the stink. That's how stinky your class was.

Me: Very thought-provoking. Thanks for the lecture. Was immensely helpful.

Y: Did I do something wrong? Don't you like me any more?

Me (thinks): Yes, you did. You exist. No, I don't. Newsflash: I never did. To be specific, I think you're the algae the feeds on the pond scum that lies underneath the sewage in our acrid lotus pond.

Me: Of course, you didn't. I like you. What made you ever think otherwise?

Z: Hey listen, there's this thing for some close friends this Friday. You wanna go dancing? It'll be fun. I promise.

Me (thinks): Looking the way I am and looking the way you do, you are asking me out? Close friends huh? Wow! Dancing? But why?! We were doing so well until now. Can we sit in a corner and make out instead?

Me: I'd love to have but I already made plans. Sorry.

Z: It's cool. No issues. We can do coffee or catch a movie or something, some other day? If you are not already seeing someone, that is. (Smiles)

Me(thinks): Oh, don't smile. That's not fair. What toothpaste do you use? Wait. He asked you a question. Movie. Right. Dark Lights. Limited space. Sharing armrest. Nachos & Salsa. You got it, dude! Any day. You choose.

Me: Err. No. Not seeing anyone. And really, I'd love to hang out. But I'm truly short of time this trip. Maybe next time?

Z: A gentle let-down, huh? (Smile) Okay, I'll let you get away with it this time. But at least gimme a call when you're in town, okay?

Me (thinks): No, don't let me get away with it. At all. I'm one-of-a-kind! That's why, I won't call.

Me: Sure, I will.

Z: Ciao. (Grins)

Me (thinks): I hate that word. Grrrr.

Me: See ya. (Smiles back)

See what I mean. I don't mean anything I say. I mean, I don't say anything I mean. Baah. You get the point! It's like I'm possessed by a good-Samaritan ghost who needs to only say the right things. Whatever happened to the WYSWYG me? Gaaaah.

And, don't ask me why I won't call him. I just won't.

Oh and how can I forget? Cousin's wedding tomorrow! Yeah, the shameless pig that I am, I'm going to be leaving for her city on her wedding day. But hey, I'm wearing a sari for her! Wait. that means jewellery. Damn. Match-making and relatives. Oh F***.

>>Gulp<<

I mean. Help.

Note: Remember. Peace comes from within. Oh my! Shoes. I mean heels. I don't have any. Never mind, they'll come from somewhere. But grace and elegance and poise? Good God. Whoever thought of celebrating weddings. What's so happy about them anyway?

PS: Mission Impossible IV: Finding a way to the Airport without paying as much as I did for the flight ticket. Good luck to me.