Observations I'm making when I'm not sleeping

1.  All men are gay until proven otherwise.

2.  There's nothing like the look on your mom's face when she's just seen you watch dirty dancing and then you tell her that you're going dancing. 

3.  When I find out that the guy I like has a girl,  I don't hate the guy, I start liking the girl.  Talk about hopeless.   

4.  Assignments are unnatural. Surely, man was created with a higher purpose than to argue why one -ism cannot replace another?  

5. A strange foreboding that I'm going to ape the Chicago cousin and marry a Tambrahm. Venda god, venda!  Don't let it come true. Not that. 

6.  Switchboards are evil. They make you feel like an intruder in your own house. 

7.  How do I find out the one thing I want?  And, not the hundred things I don't? 

8. Wolf is a mega cute techie from Delhi going to the States to become a corporate cockroach. What a waste.

9.  I'm going back to Chennai to sit at placements for a job I don't want and a degree I have no use for. Yuck. 

10.  Not being able to sleep before 6 A.M every morning is turning me into an incomprehensible but certifiable nut-case. 

Things to Do in 2010.

I have a ton of these. Truly, I do.  Most of them are really lame but hey a woman's gotta do what a woman's gotta do, no?  With self help and all that being on agenda this year. But if you wanna know, here's the core. For the rest, see the list like things.  

1. Go see a new country - I thought I'd start with the most likely. Okay, so maybe it will NEVER happen. But hey, this is sort of a wish-list and well, why not!? I'm thinking Nepal. I know Nemo there. I don't need a visa and it's cheap, so who knows?
2. Decide what to do with my life - See now, here's the sorta thing that will keep figuring in my list of things-to-do forever.  But maybe this is it. Maybe this is the year when it'll come to me - my calling. Failing which, I'm going to have to decide on what after J. ASAP
3. Read 500 books - Again, a very realistic goal. But then again, I'm going to cheat every way I can - collections of short-stories, cook-books, graphic novels.. you get the idea.
4. Stop trying to kill myself - No more fits of masochism. No more falling for sadistic/married men. No more taking up gender classes. No more moving to places like Chennai. No, no, no!
5. Start living - "yes, we can" style - Visit new places (Goa!)  Meet new people (cute guys, someone?). Learn new things (French, skating, photography, flash, calligraphy, piano, painting, driving without killing somebody etc), move to a new city (Bangalore/Mumbai!), buy/do something crazy (a DSLR, yes,yes!).

Things I learned in '07

1. I've turned into a total and irrevocable cyber junkie.

2. Dating can make you appreciate the beauty of an all-girls.

3. Eating out @ bankruptcy is essential for my state of being.

4. I contribute more to auto drivers anonymous than I do to CRY.

5. I have the worst sense of fashion this side of Asia.

6. Making an interview go exactly how you want it to go takes the fun out of getting the job.

7. All that about younger generations being smarter is fresh bull. Look at my juniors if you don't believe me.

8. Learning NOT to say no is still much harder than learning to say no.

9. Making out in a movie theater is an art that requires genuine talent, commitment and patience.

10. My Dad went to an IIM because my Mum challenged him to.

11. A giant clumsy oaf will tend to assume the grace of the Queen of England when standing next to me.

12. I'm as accommodating as an RTC bus after 7 p.m on a weekday during an auto-strike.

13. Guitars rust beautifully. Trust me. I know.

14. The level of my commitment to a cause is directly dependent upon enjoyment, desire, shame, money or vengeance. In any order.

15. There's nothing uglier than seeing 50 females wriggle on a dance floor. Nothing.

16. Its hard to lose something no body wants. If you know what I mean.

17. The last sip of beer tastes infinitely better than the first.

18. The life span of a mobile in my hands is at best, half a year and at worst..well, never mind.

19. Pandit S Khujrawalah hit it bulls eye. Arians are responsible for the best and worst things that happen to me.

20. Abdul Kalam is still my President. Madame President Tai can go _______.

21. I hope that the Bachchan family dies the way most narcissists normally do - severe case of overkill.

22. 90 hours of bus travel can cause serious physical and psychological trauma to sane creatures. Insane females on the other hand have fun. They play sleeping beauty.

23. Vegetarians and singletons are rapidly going extinct.Only, nobody's mourning the loss.

24. Addictive substances and artificial intoxicants bore me. Its the consumption of soft drinks that has exceeded a number beyond which I cannot count.

25. North India is filled with lecherous bastards.

26. The South with impotent idiots.

27. People don't take me seriously when I tell them that I'm going to die of Alzheimer's. They'll admit I was right. Only I won't remember.

28. Relationships can eventually fuck your happiness. On second thoughts, replace 'can' with 'will'.

29. Gambling professionally is going to be a big part of my life. Its in the blood.

30. Timid looking females can have a fetish for exotic underwear. That's right. Polka dots are supposedly in. For more on this subject, contact Tap.

31. Hips don't lie was a better track when I didn't know what it meant.

32. It is possible to have a real big crush on a guy simply because you happen to dig the way he writes. The fact the he has an adorable twin brother is of course, irrelevant.

33. One more black T-shirt is all that will take, to drive Ramlal (my dobhi) to go shopping for me. It ll happen soon enough. I'll wait.

34. Writing has become one of those things I could do reasonably well once upon a time but can't anymore.

35. The secret behind my success will never be any milk product. It will be pure & unadulterated jealousy.

36. The only way I'll ever run is if I'm being chased by eunuchs.

37. If Freud's interpretation of dreams is anything to go by, then I must be more sexually frustrated than all the Sisters of Charity put together.

38. The bloody yanks are abducting all my favorite people and making them believe that it is by their own free will. I hate them.

39.The best thing to gift your ex-boyfriend for his birthday is a Venus Fly trap. Or variations of it.

40. Listening to parent's romance is as gross as watching same sex porn.

41. You can break a bone by falling from a side walk.

42. Life without Spencer Reid is like life without Roddick - loveless.

43. Even Harry Potter can disappoint. Terribly.

44. Watching your bank balance bleed in transaction charges can do serious damage to your mental health.

45. If you wanna learn all about the various types of deaths and graves in a cemetery, ask Paul at St.Johns. Trust me, he knows his stuff.

46. Blue tooth is the best thing that happened to me since battery operated toothbrush.

47. Best friends are irreplaceable. Boyfriends are not.

48. You can't make relationships work. They either do or they don't. After a while, most don't.

49. Life always has delayed reactions to my plans.

50. Blogging is therapeutic to the blogger's psyche and terminal to the reader's life.

Inspired by Communicatrix and my genetically imbibed love for useless lists.